To be honest, the past few weeks I’ve been going through a bit of an existential crisis. I had planned on staying at my job (that I loved), going and pursuing administration at the church, and doing my thing for this next year.
After a series of events, God asked me to not pursue administration. The baby I nanny was put in preschool so they didn’t really need my help anymore.
I was several hundred dollars short of finishing paying for my Scotland missions trip and had no job and no idea what to do with my life. I applied to teach at a private school but just felt that that also was not right and turned down pursuing that further. I honestly began to get a little frustrated an impatient with God because nothing was going “right”.
Let’s take it back to a few months ago. I was in London, England for a few weeks with my sister. The whole time I was there I kept thinking how I would love to take a missions trip team there or go serve at a ministry there because of endless amazing opportunities. I came back to the states with a desire to return to London and talk to my Pastor about leading a trip there next summer. Missions are my passion. I serve locally but there is something about global missions that I adore. And I know that God has called me to that and that’s another reason I was frustrated. I had been promised by God to be sent out globally but felt stuck here in my dinky little town.
I was talking to our missions director last month about taking a trip to London next summer and had been doing research to see how we could make this possible before telling my Pastor about any of it.
Almost 3 weeks ago, my Pastor was speaking at our youth church on “Stir it Up” and shaking cities and shaking up your faith so you don’t grow complacent. The whole sermon I just felt a huge weight on my heart for the city of London. The countless people that are just living their mundane lives day after day riding around on the tube with their heads down. They need stirring. Towards the end of the sermon, God gave me a vision and in the vision I was standing in front of Him and He handed me a London snow globe that the snow had stopped falling on. It was all settled on the bottom. As I was looking at it He said to me “I need you to turn the city upside down.” I tipped the little snow globe and watched as the snow fell all over the city again and felt the most amazing peace and satisfaction in that moment. I knew the snow was signifying the love God wanted to pour out over the city.
Later on that month I was researching churches in the London area and YWAM bases there. I even emailed YWAM and inquired about if they hosted teams or individual missionaries. I knew it was a long shot that I could go there this fall, but I was kind of desperate at this point.
The next day I was talking to my best friend Shelbie and we were both kind of the same spot about praying where God wanted us this fall as doors kept closing. She was talking to me about how our Pastor had mentioned to her that he had a pastor friend in London who needed help at his church for a few months this summer (July/August ish). I told her to totally do it and I would go visit her and really wanted to tag along if I could. But it just didn’t seem like it was feasible and honestly I felt like something like that would be too good to be true. But, maybe if the timing worked out.
I was going to Scotland late summer so I didn’t think the timing would work anyways. I had actually wanted originally to stay in Scotland after the trip and travel back down to England but again the timing did not work.
That night I went to bed a little hopeful. I told myself even if I couldn’t go with Shelbie, I would try to go back this fall. But it would have to be in September because the One Direction concert is August 24th and I really didn’t want to give up my tickets (priorities am I right ha). I fell asleep with dreams of walking along the Thames again sharing the gospel.
I woke up with those dreams made real. Literally. I woke up and my phone was buzzing with texts. Dustin (my pastor) had texted Shelbie again and long story short asked her if she had thought about London anymore because he felt that it would be a good opportunity for her. But, he said, he wanted to switch it to September and send two people! WHAT ARE THE ODDS! So she told him everything and I texted him as well and we all began to get extremely excited about what this could be.
I didn’t want to get too ahead of myself so I immediately opened my Bible and asked God to speak clearly to me that this was something I needed to do. The first thing I opened up to was Haggai 2:4 “Be strong… and work fro I am with you”. I don’t want to waste words going into all the meaning the words “Be Strong” have on my life but it is my life verse (Joshua 1:9). It means the world to me. God has had this work spoken into my life in the most critical tipping points of my life. I have it tattooed on my wrists in Hebrew. This specific verse with “be strong” was the exact verse God gave me when I was praying about going to Thailand last year and doubting my call to missions. The verse goes on to talk about how He will show His glory in all the nations and how the present glory will be greater than latter glories. it was perfect timing. God timing. That was the final confirmation for me.
I told them I was in. So early September we will be spending two and a half months together in London serving at a local church and sharing the gospel right in the middle of London. The fact that I not only get to to go but God is sending me with my best friend blows my mind. He is SO faithful to me even when I get so easily frustrated or impatient and bratty.
Other cool little things that God also did this past week:
- I have less than $100 left to pay off for Scotland
- My parents bought me a new (used) car
- I found a job that is AMAZING and I didn’t think these people would hire me since I plan on being gone for 2.5 months in the fall and called and told them about it and literally said to Shelbie “it will ONLY be God if they hire me” (they specifically said they were looking for someone who could commit to sticking around) but when I called they said they were super intent on hiring me and would be willing to work around my absence. WHAT!
- My mom bought an iPad that she said I can have if I teach her how to use one because she will get her own from the school come fall (I was wanting to buy one to take to London to read on and stuff!)
I don’t mean at all that God’s favor IS material things or opportunities, but He has certainly used them. And to me it wasn’t about the stuff or the things, it was that He saw all the little desires of my heart and was closing doors I thought were “good” to give me what was BEST because He loves me so much.
I’m so dumb sometimes but God is so faithful to me anyways. Wow.